Dealing with the Local Bullies

[Apostle]

A bully: not the first and certainly not the last,
there will always be someone like them.

Nope! This topic is not about naming names or pointing the finger, it is merely a topic I organized in my head to post here for any victims who may stumble across this thread.

Of course we all know bullying is everywhere and it happens to and from all age groups. It's an immature and unnecessary act that should not be practiced by any individual.

There are different types of bullies but all can be settled with one easy action: keep quiet and put the user(s) on your 'Ignore List', located in Menu > Social > Ignore. By doing so this quiets the dialog of the person(s) bothering you. "Seeing is believing!" This however does not block them from commencing you if you're juiced (PVP).

"Why should I keep quiet? They need to know what they're doing!"
Anddd we're getting to that now! Back when I said there were 'different types of bullies', this is true! Some people are rude simply because they were instigated and that's their natural reaction. Everyone is different and handles things in their own way. A simple apology (because this of course usually is a misunderstanding) even when you're not the one at fault will go a long way, followed by maturely stating why what they did is wrong, and how you didn't appreciate it.

If that just doesn't work out and you're not seeing Eye-To-Eye, just put them on your Ignore List until things settle down. We all know the Game's not going to be all that fun with drama starting up in the World chat!

But, unfortunately, there are some people who simply don't work that way. Some things don't quite click in their minds and sympathy/empathy doesn't come to them like it does for you and I. In most cases, there is nothing you can say or do to change these person(s)' minds. In their head they're immediately in the right, or they just don't care.

They know exactly what they're doing and they want you to try to report them (this can sometimes help nothing, and waste a General Manager's time). Putting them on the Ignore List is a great way of putting an end to this immediately. Here are some other ways of handling this situation:

> 'Kill them with Kindness' - nothing irks a bully more than not receiving the direct reaction they want. For some odd reason, they get off on whines, complaints, sarcasm and lectures against their behavior. Counter them--use 'reverse psychology' (my favorite!)--play into their fake-friendly conversation and don't react the slightest to insult. For faster results, (and if you're good at it), make fun of yourself even more! I promise you they will see you as a dead target and will instigate someone else.

> Talk to someone else - by physically ignoring them, that may trigger a 'what I'm saying isn't important?' notion in their minds and counter an emotional trigger, doing damage on themselves. Who you're talking to is obviously more exciting, more important! Not a total waste of your time.

> Log off - if you truly love Secondhand Lands and plan to keep logging on, this is NOT a defeat! You've got more better things to do than be subjected to a bully! Logging off puts an end to the act and the assault planned on you. Taking some time away from the game is also healthy mentally. Just log in again when you feel you're ready for the second round. Soon enough the bullies will be conditioned to your not-the-fun-we-were-looking-for reaction and look for something else to occupy their time.

* Insults and social manipulation (when spotted) does hurt, especially to those who are sensitive. The very best solution to bullying is putting the users on your Ignore List. *

How you yourself can avoid World chat drama:

- "Never look down on someone unless you're helping them up."
- Don't talk about Religion or Politics unless it's a private controlled conversation.
- Don't join in on a negative conversation unless it's to 'Soften the blow.'
- Don't let someone know when you're reporting them or putting them on your ignore list.
- Never compare yourself to others; "At least I'm not. . .!"

How to spot a 'Social Manipulation' situation/conversation:

(a): they're looking to attack you | (f): they want to fire you up
- "Hey, where are you right now?" - (a)
- "What are you talking about? I would never do such a thing." - (f)
- "Let me see what your character looks like." - (a)
- "I was AFK, what happened?" - (f)
- "How old are you? / You're not acting your age." - (f)

More will be added as I further observe individuals in the game.

To conclude this topic, bullying is a psychology that can be defeated if handled accordingly. You can't change a person, but you can change the way your mind reacts to them. Please never engage in a bully who knows what they're doing, and ignore them as best as you can. Only report a user if you can screenshot direct evidence of the act, such as an offensive insult or a death threat. Create an account on Secondhand's Community Forums by clicking >here< to sign up on SHL's official forums and contact one of their Administrators - we cannot handle their reports.

Thank you for reading and play safe!

See also: >PvP Etiquette<

[Apostle]

Further comments I'd like to make is that the Game creator goes by a no-banning philosophy. The Game Masters have no control over the actual behavior of the game's community and are only capable of 'handing out' 'advice' and fixing technical bugs around the game. Although it upsets me that players cannot be properly punished for their actions, we must respect the creator's ideology and try to come to a peaceful option until a better solution can be discussed.

If you're a victim of harassment in our unprotected community, please speak out to a Game Master while they're online (GM Tethon is usually on the most) and voice your concerns on what should be done with the future of our wonderful community. We are powerful in numbers!

In the meantime, here's some videos of poems originally written by Shane Koyzcan that will definitely pick you up once you feel like you've been pushed down:

"To This Day" - Antibullying, a message to the survivors -

"Instructions For A Bad Day" - A picker-upper, message to the depressed -


Written by David Foster Wallace, "This is Water" - a message to the stressed, a reminder to think from a different perspective

This is Water from Patrick Buckley on Vimeo.

If you ever need to talk to someone, please feel
more than free to personal message me! <3